Life can change in a matter of seconds, or in my case, it was centimeters. That was the difference between life and death as my baby implanted just centimeters outside of my uterus in my left fallopian tube. A life that would have held such promise had it not been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

My baby and my fallopian were removed 4 years ago on this day. They were ripped out of me and replaced with a void that would harbor a deep melancholy. A body that once carried the hope and promise of life was reduced to a vessel for my grief.

Throughout the years, I have healed. Sunny days and tender moments have embedded themselves into my heart, slowly dissolving the pain residing there. I have become deeply connected to my spirituality and I truly believe that there is magic in the universe you only gain access to after your life has been flipped upside down. I see the world from a different lense. I see it through the eyes of someone who knows how delicate life is. I have intimately experienced life and death all within centimeters of myself. The tragic loss of my baby instills gratitude for the child I have earthside. The scars on my lower abdomen are a course reminder of my missing fallopian tube and consequently also my remaining one. It’s all checks and balances, give and take. I have evolved significantly in the last 4 years and I believe that trauma of my ectopic pregnancy has led me to be the person I was always meant to be.

Shortly after the ectopic, dragonflies had quickly become a symbol of hope for me. In my heart, I knew that they represented the baby I had lost as well as my journey to peace and healing. They have been a source of encouragement and comfort throughout the last 4 years.

A few months ago, I was sitting outside and a dragonfly persistently kept landing on me. It would linger for moments at a time before flying away only to land on me again. It was a special interaction although not the first time something like this has occurred. It wasn’t until I was looking back at the photos I took, that I noticed how truly magical this encounter was. The dragonfly’s left back wing was broken, nearly missing. I am certain that this was meant to be a representation of myself, as I am missing my left fallopian tube. I believe that I was meant to experience this dragonfly in all of its beauty, flying around with grace and optimism, as a reminder that my missing pieces don’t define me and they will never hold me back from achieving my full potential. I can do hard things, despite the obstacles and challenges put in my way. I am beautifully broken.

4 years ago my life was changed forever by a matter of centimeters. Sometimes the smallest things make the biggest impact.