You can wait

A resolution that I’ve made for myself as a mom, is to stop saying, “I can’t wait until…” I would see a kid holding their own bottle at a restaurant or a mom bragging on Facebook about her kid’s nap time and I would think to myself, I can’t wait for my kid to do that. The truth is, is that I can wait and the things that I’m so eagerly anticipating will be here before I know it.

Babies grow and develop at an accelerated rate. And while my life may seem mundane and unwavering, big changes are occurring every single day right beneath my eyes. It’s not until a onesie all of a sudden fits a little snug or those tiny toes seem to be poking further out of the car seat that I am forced to realize that my baby is growing. I’m having whiplash at how rapidly it’s all happening.

During the first month of Beau’s life, I would fantasize about him sleeping through the night. The newborn stage felt like a long trip I couldn’t wait to come down from. Now he is finally sleeping longer stretches, but I still wake up every three hours and put my hand gently on his chest to feel the rise and fall of his breathing. I toss and turn trying to get back to sleep, feeling a little lonely and longing for those exhausting, but intimate times with my son that I never knew I would miss.

I feel guilty for not enjoying the sleepless uncertainty of what was the beginning of Beau’s life. I was just trying to survive. Sometimes I felt like I was hallucinating and I could not discern between what I dreamed and what was real life. The first few weeks of Beau’s life flashed before my eyes. We adjusted and adapted and life got better. That’s also when I wished that time would slow down. I feel as if I wished away some of the most precious moments of our lives.

After I emerged from the depths of the newborn stage, I realized that I was going to look less into the future and focus more on the present. Whatever the situation may be, good or bad, I want to be throughly dedicated.

I’ve learned that part of being a mom is enjoying all that it has to offer. It’s not always going to be easy, but it will be worth it. It is the struggles of motherhood that condition us with the strength it takes to be a mom. Also the only thing more precious than your little baby, is time and neither of those things do you ever get back.

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